MLB Commissioner Rob “Right Said” Manfred today announced the league will no longer conduct instant replay reviews in games that have no playoff implications, citing “stupidity.”
“Effective immediately, no close play in a meaningless game will be subject to a review,” said Manfred. “Fans of those teams have been through enough by this point of the season.”
Manfred cited in incident in Friday’s doubleheader between the Tigers and White Sox, who are a combined 81 games out of first place in the A.L. Central.
“I happened to have that game on because I couldn’t find the remote and I saw Tim Anderson ground into what was called a double play,” said Manfred. “Everyone and their brother could tell Anderson beat it out, but the ump called him out. Not that I blame the ump. I’d want to get the hell out of that game too. After a five-minute review, Anderson was ruled safe and got first base.”
Manfred continued: “How stupid is that? Why review that play? Now that I think of it: Why are those teams playing a doubleheader at the end of September? Actually, why are they still playing at all? It was raining and there were only a few dozen people in the stands. Why are we doing this?”
Other possible meaningless game rule changes Manfred said the league is discussing involve only using one ball from start to finish, allowing fans to pinch run, allowing managers to wear a suit instead of uniforms like they do in the NBA, and forcing the umpires to go shirtless.
“That last one was my idea,” said Manfred. “I just love the thought of Joe West having to call a game with his manboobs all flopping around.”