After last week’s MLB winter meetings, which were slower than Paul Konerko hitting an inside-the-park homerun, the hot stove is starting to heat up after Bryce Harper named his new dog, “Guaranteed Rate.”

Harper, who got all Cubs fans’ vines caught up in a bunch when it was revealed that his dog’s name is Wrigley, now may have his eye on the south side after naming his newest canine companion after the iconic-named White Sox stadium.

“Sure, I could have named him Comiskey, or maybe even Celly,” said Harper, rubbing Guaranteed Rate’s stomach for being a good boy. “But Scott Boras advised me to go with a name with a little more money-making potential.”

Should Harper sign with the Sox, Guaranteed Rate will be given a lifetime supply of milk-bones, as well as full-bathroom access to the toilet that is Wrigley Field.

Shingo TaCatsu