Less than 24 hours after signing a record-setting six-year, $141 million contract extension, the Chicago Bears have closed the book on the Khalil Mack era by cutting the over-priced, over-hyped pass rusher after a disasterous first practice at Halas Hall.

“He’s fat, he’s slow, and he can barely kneel during the National Anthem,” said Bears’ Director of Player Personnel Josh Lucas, the man responsible for the Mack fiasco. “Frankly, he‘s not even good enough to keep on the practice squad. We were sold a bill of goods, a flat out bust. The only thing the guy can successfully rush are the endless appetizers at TGI Fridays. I’m an idiot.”

Sensing that Bears’ fans might be upset by the monumental personnel blunder, Lucas quickly announced the re-signing of former Chicago quaterback Jay Cutler to a $176 million one-year deal, with an option for a syndicated reality show in year two if Cutler is still conscious.

“Granted, Jay’s not much of a pass rusher, but he was able to sack Kristin Cavallari,” said Lucas.

gregory paul