In a shocking move that rattled Bears fans across the country, five-time Pro Bowl wide receiver Brandon Marshall was traded to the New Jersey Jets for a package of five weeks of Green Bay fans making fun of Bears fans for only getting a fifth-round draft pick for one of the best wide receivers in the league.

“Ha ha, wow, a fifth round pick?” joked Bob Lombrowski, a Packers fan from Fond du Lac. “Yeesh, how’s that feel?”

Bears GM Ryan Pace addressed the move, telling reporters, “Listen, I know that Brandon’s going to be missed.┬áHe was, and remains, one of the best wide receivers in the league, and many fans might be disappointed that all we got for him was five weeks of people unironically wearing trucker hats making fun of them.”

Pace ended by saying he was looking for more trade options to clear up cap room, such as trading Matt Forte for a seventh round draft pick and a case of Spotted Cow from the Mars Cheese Castle, or replacing Alshon Jeffery with a large pile of collectible pogs.

Jeff GoodSmith