The Chicago Cubs have decided to open the 2015 season as the Chicago Rats, paying homage to the many colonies of rats that have apparently been living at Wrigley Field for the past century.
“There hasn’t been a bear cub around this stadium in as long as I can remember,” said 85-year-old Wrigleyville resident Bill Benson. “Rats, on the other hand, those things are rampant, especially now during the construction.”
According to local residents, thousands of rats have poured out of the Wrigley Field renovation site, overrunning much of the surrounding neighborhood.
“The rat is the perfect mascot for our team,” said Rats President Theo Epstein. “They are gritty survivors. Sure, they’re often teeming with disease, but couldn’t this squad use an edge after 107 years of futility?”