If you attended Friday’s opening ceremonies at the annual Cubs Convention or tuned in on Comcast Sportsnet, it was clear that Chairman Tom Ricketts had consumed a healthy amount of Cubbie Cool-Aid. Serving as master of ceremonies, Ricketts glowingly listed off the many reasons why the Cubs are the most supreme team in all the land.
“We have the premier manager in all the game in Joe Maddon, we signed a three-time World Series champion in Jon Lester, and our Spring Training facility is the best in all of MLB,” said Ricketts. “To top it off, Edwin Jackson will rebound in 2015 to win 25 games and take home Cy Young Award honors.”
By Saturday afternoon’s announcement that the Wrigley Field bleachers would not be completed by Opening Day, a visibly inebriated Ricketts had begun turning a light shade of blue and had packed on 50 pounds of liquid muscle.
“I never saw the boss without a water bottle the entire weekend,” said Ryan Dempster, the Cubs new team ambassador/mascot/clown. “I thought he was drinking water to stay hydrated, but Woody said that Tommy had been pounding the blue stuff for 36 straight hours.”
By the conclusion of the Cubs Convention on Sunday afternoon, Ricketts had turned into a 500-pound blueberry after imbibing on so much Cubbie Cool-Aid all weekend long. Laura, Pete and Todd Ricketts were last spotted rolling their brother out of the Sheraton Chicago Hotel and Towers.