Former league MVP Derrick Rose took a great deal of flak earlier this week about comments he made to the media regarding how his recent injuries may prevent him from attending meetings and graduations after his NBA career ends. He followed it up on Thursday night in Toronto by sticking to his statements and subsequently coming down with another non-injury, a hamstring tweak in the fourth quarter that kept him out of the final three minutes of the game. The injury was so severe that team doctors didn’t even attend to Rose on the bench.

For Rose, desperate times call for desperate measures, so he plans to meet with former Cubs pitchers Mark Prior and Kerry Wood next week to outline a five-year injury plan. The meeting, facilitated by Rose’s brother/agent/gopher Reggie, will take place on Monday night when the Bulls are set to begin their circus road trip against the Clippers in Los Angeles, of which Derrick Rose will undoubtedly not partake.

“Prior and Wood are great Chicago sports ambassadors and most importantly they knew how to milk phantom injuries for two to three years at a time while padding their bank accounts,” said Reggie Rose. “We are hoping to establish a similar plan for Derrick to assure that he can attend his kids’ PTO meetings relatively pain free when they get older.”

Prior and Wood — who retired at the ages of 33 and 34 — are confident they can convince Rose to seek retirement by the age of 30.

“Derrick hasn’t even come down yet with an arm injury or hip contusion from a fall in a hot tub,” said Wood. “There are plenty of tricks of the trade that Mark and I can teach him to assure that the ‘Reggie Rose Plan’ comes to fruition sooner rather than later.”

Jeremy Barewin