The Bulls’ obsession with Kevin Love reached unprecedented levels Wednesday, as Chicago offered Minnesota everyone on their roster in exchange for the 25-year-old big man.

Most Bulls players were surprised to hear their names dragged into the trade rumors. Joakim Noah seemed especially disappointed.

“Aw, come on man, Minnesota, seriously?” said Noah, who was reached while vacationing at a nude beach in the French Riviera that only allows supermodels and gangly seven-foot NBA players with French citizenship. “Do they even have indoor plumbing there? It’s probably still snowing there isn’t it? Excuse me please. I have to go back to my girlfriends.”

The Bulls front office was hard-pressed to explain the fixation on Love.

“Normally we wouldn’t put something so drastic out there, but there’s just something about Kevin that has me thinking all these crazy thoughts,” said Bulls GM Gar Forman. “Maybe it’s all those double-doubles. Or maybe it’s how dreamy he is. Hell if I can figure it out.”

Added Forman: “All I know is we have to have Kevin Love on the Bulls next year, even if he’s the only NBA-caliber player on our team. As long as we have Kevin, I’ll be happy.”