In a 6-1 decision, the Illinois Supreme Court has ruled that raising children to be fans of the Chicago Cubs baseball franchise is “cruel and amoral.” The case before the court involved 24-year-old plaintiff Jimmy Benson, who was suing his parents Laura and Gerald for punitive damages stemming from years of being forced to watch and root for the Cubs.

“The mental and physical toll of living in a house that pretended it was okay to lose 90+ games year in and year out prevented Jimmy from having not just a normal childhood, but also a healthy life,” said the plaintiff’s lawyer. “If only Jimmy had been sheltered from those decades of disappointment, he might be a properly adjusted adult today. Instead, he still thinks the Cubs could turn things around this season.”


The implications of the ruling are far-reaching. Sales of all Cubs gear to minors is now banned and punishable by fines and jail time.

“While we disagree with the decision, we can certainly understand it,” said Cubs president Theo Epstein. “Our hope is that in four or five years, the court may revisit this ruling. Kris Bryant will be in his prime by then!”