U.S Soccer officials today announced the team which will represent the United States in the World Cup competition. In a unexpected twist, the team will consist entirely of girls ages 7 to 9.

Spokesman Dan Riley said that in order to field a team which was representative of the best available American talent, the move was necessary.

“Let’s face it, these girls are the best soccer talent available in this country. With boys gravitating away from soccer to play other, more interesting sports, it’s all we have left.” He added. “Some of these girls are real go getters. Take Amanda Stracek of the Lake Forest Tigresses, she has like 50 goals in 3 games. You can’t ignore talent like that.”

Officials said that luring these players was a tough assignment, but that after word got out of trips to Baskin Robbins after every game, the floodgates were opened, and applications began rolling in.

John F