Last season it took the Bears 16 games to come out totally even and botch a chance at the playoffs. Dropping the final two games, either of which would’ve given them a spot in the playoffs, the Bears continued their run of ripping out the hearts of fans just like that older girl down the street did to you in junior high.

“We did a lot of work in the offseason,” Bears GM Phil Emery said in a recent interview. “We tried our best to get back to that tough style of defense Bears fans have come to expect.” Emery backed up his plans when with their first five draft picks the Bears selected four defensive players and also picked up aging and annoying pass rusher Jared Allen.

Emery went on to say, “We think these guys can help us on defense and that this defense can keep us in games and give us a good run this season. It should allow our offense to make a number of critical mistakes at the end of games, especially games late in the season when wins are crucial.”

Head coach Marc Trestman added his two cents, saying, “If you’ve listened to Chicago sports radio you know I’m an offensive genius, but this defense stuff is hard. I usually just tell those guys to go out there and ‘take the ball from ‘em.’ It worked for Lovie and Urlacher, so I’m not sure why we’re having so much trouble with it.” Trestman also added, “You know I won the Grey Cup in Canada, right?”

It’s not just the front office and the coaching staff that is invested in giving fans hope before stomping on their dreams in late December or early January, the players are on board too. Quarterback Jay Cutler was reported to have said, “Do I look like I care? ‘Cause if I do, I’m just out of practice. I totally don’t care.”