*an op-ed piece from Seth Jaffe, a Heckler writer born and raised in Southern California

If you grew up Los Angeles like I did, then there is only one thing on your mind this weekend, and that’s hockey, unless of course you have Coachella tickets or know somebody who can get you into SkyBar.

Anyway, a friend of mine who has all the hook-ups at Tower Bar on the Sunset Strip told me that this is the 3rd round of the Stanley Cup playoffs. So set the alarm on your smartphone (preferably an I-Phone VII, unless you’re poor, in which case why bother) because you definitely don’t want to miss the fourth quarter of the next game that I am told is definitely being played here this weekend.

What you should look for this weekend:
*Will there be some new talent behind the visiting Blackhawks bench? Aspiring cocktail waitresses and internet models get discovered all the time at big games, and this is your chance to say “I saw her way before she was on RedTube.”
*Is there bottle service in the luxury boxes?
*Valet park your 5 Series no later than 30 minutes after the game starts. This way enough people see your whip to know that you’re important … William Morris Endeavor important.
*Will a Kardashian or a Hilton grace us with her presence? America has not one, but two royal families, and thankfully they’re both right here in Southern California.
*Any chance the JumboTron finds Paulina Gretzky? I have no idea who this chick is or why she’s famous, or why she likes hockey or if her dad is somebody I should know, but she takes really good selfies and that’s important.