Unable to fix the Chicago Cubs on his own, team president Theo Epstein has made the unconventional move of bringing in hockey guru Scotty Bowman to help guide the franchise to a World Series.

“I know it’s a different sport, but [Bowman] did wonders for the Blackhawks,” said Epstein. “What’s he gonna do? Make us win fewer World Series?”

Bowman, the winningest coach in NHL history and a front office wizard that helped the Red Wings and Blackhawks achieve sustained greatness, will begin cleaning up the Cubs organization in the role of Super GM.

“The first order of business is to make sure we have plenty of craft beers and gourmet hot dogs,” joked Bowman. “Ah, I kid you. Those have nothing to do with championships. The first thing we have to do is sign good players. I’ve noticed the team hasn’t really done that much in the last hundred years or so.”