Not to be outdone by the 100 year Wrigley Field anniversary party today, the White Sox have announced their first ever “Cell-Ebration,” a huge bash celebrating U.S. Cellular Field’s 23 years and 5 days birthday tonight.
“It’s going to be epic!” proclaimed a White Sox spokesperson. “It’s going to be the best party in the last 23 years and 5 days.”
“The Cell opened on April 18, 1991. Designing Women was must-see TV and the Billboard music charts were just about to explode with Amy Grant’s ‘Baby, Baby’ megahit. It’s easy to compete with a party you had 100 years ago, but if the Cubs had to top those killer entertainment offerings from 1991, it wouldn’t be so easy.”
“Doors open at 4:18 p.m. and admission is free. We’re serving complimentary chicken and waffle sandwiches, bacon-on-a-stick, banana split sundae helmets, and, of course, Revolution Anti-Hero IPA. What are the Cubs serving at their party? Jewel-Osco cupcakes and Old Style?”
When asked if revelers at the Cell-Ebration could stay for the game, the spokesperson said, “Well, the White Sox are actually playing in Detroit tonight, at Comerica Park – which is also a way better park than Wrigley. But fans can stay for the viewing party and watch on our Jumbotron.”
When asked about the Cubs’ Jumbotron, the spokesperson replied, “You’d have to ask whoever is in charge in the Cubs front office – the Rooftop owners, I think.”