The Cubs shocked the baseball world Friday by announcing they would remain at their new Spring Training facility in Mesa rather than relocate back to Wrigley Field for the regular season.

“Our new spring facility is just so much nicer,” said owner Tom Ricketts. “Plus it’s far, far away from those troublesome rooftops with whom the company I bought this team from signed a completely legally binding 20-year contract that allows them to conduct business exactly as they are.”

Ricketts said Wrigley season ticket holders and other ticket buyers would not get a refund, instead suggesting they focus on the positive.

“We’d like to think of this year’s regular season as just an extension of Spring Training,” said Ricketts. “The games will feature Cubs players most fans haven’t heard of and are going to be pretty much meaningless, just like Spring Training.

“And if we’re going to play 81 meaningless home games, we might as well play them in a comfortable stadium with a favorable climate.”

Fans who happen to be passing through the Phoenix area this season are encouraged to stop by Cubs Park to take in a game if seats happen to be available.

“The stadium only has about half the capacity of Wrigley,” said Ricketts. “So if the crowds we’re anticipating for home games this season translate, Cubs Park should be just about sold out most games.”

hecklerstaff