It has recently been reported that several MLB teams have been fighting over the services of Japanese prospect Masahiro Tanaka, including the Cubs, Dodgers and Yankees. When it was reported in Japan that each team offered around $100 million over six years, a dark horse was announced, the White Sox. Today, the Sox clarified this offer is not for the services of Tanaka, but as a golden parachute for Adam Dunn to leave town.

Dunn is expected to reject the offer and go about his season in usual fashion: “I plan to slim down and look in shape to start the season,” said Dunn. “Then I’ll hit .130, overshadowing Gordan Beckham and his .155 average. If I have time I’ll strike out 354 times and go 0-for-50 at some point.”

The White Sox see a different outcome with this deal.

“We are just trying to get someone in the three hole that can hit over .096, this hush money should keep him in Kentucky and away from Arizona in March,” said GM Rich Hahn.”We have tried everything in the past; giving him an incorrect schedule, lowering the dugout ceiling so he has to crouch and replacing the after game spread with vegetables but he just keeps showing up. Now he has 100 million reasons to just leave us alone.”


Brew Dreesus