After missing the last six weeks with a broken collarbone, Green Bay Packers starting quarterback Aaron Rodgers has yet again been declared unfit to play at the suggestion of recently-hired team doctor, Dr. Da Coach who, despite his mustache and extensive collection of Bears sweaters, swears that he is not former Chicago coach, Mike Ditka.

Dr. Coach, who recently joined the team after the disappearance of the Packers’ most recent team doctor a few weeks ago, told reporters, “Listen here, there’s no way that Rodgers is going to start so long as the Packers have a chance to take the division lead from da Bears. I mean, as long as his arm or whatever is still busted up.”

While many of Rodgers’ teammates understand that Dr. Coach is only acting on behalf of the team’s best interests, Rodgers has been growing increasingly frustrated with his inactivity, telling media sources, “It’s just frustrating, not being able to head out there and help the team. Especially when Dr. Coach hasn’t even examined my collarbone the last few weeks. He just looked at me, said I don’t look ‘fixed’ yet, and then spent 15 minutes talking about Refrigerator Perry’s touchdown in the 1985 Super Bowl.”

When confronted with reports that he might actually be Mike Ditka in an extreme unconvincing costume, Dr. Coach declined to comment, but did say that the Bears were his pick to win it all this year.

By Jeff GoodSmith

Jeff GoodSmith