After his long-awaited return from ACL surgery, Derrick Rose is back on the shelf after surgery to repair the meniscus he tore Friday night in Portland. Though many are disappointed and questioning if Rose will ever be able to return to his old form, the one-time MVP is looking on the bright side.

“It sucks a lot and it hurts like hell, but Dr. Cole just punched my frequent customer card and my next surgery is on the house,” Rose said. “Also, he gives me candy to make me feel better.”

Dr. Brian Cole, the orthopedic surgeon in charge of Rose’s surgery, spoke out on the matter of Rose’s knee.

“When a player tears their ACL they rarely come back at 100 percent,” Cole said. “Not to mention, players are much more susceptible to reinjuring their knees after they tear their ACLs. I feel bad for these guys, so I decided to implement a card punch system not unlike a sandwich shop. If they come back to me for two surgeries, the next one is on the house. It’s a good way to help them out and to get my favorite athletes to come back to me. Also, I give them candy and they love that. Basketball players love candy.”

“It could be worse,” Rose said. “I could not be getting candy at all. I’ll be back soon though, and I can definitely guarantee that I’ll never get hurt ever again.”