Have no fear, Cubs and Sox fans: the Blackhawks will help all of you with your summer doldrums. Every day until the Bears start their season, the Blackhawks will have a victory parade to keep the minds of Chicago’s sports fans off the city’s underachieving baseball teams.

“Does this mean we’ll be going bar hopping every day?” Hawks winger Patrick Kane asked. “[Teammate Jonathan] Toews says he only plans to get blitzed the day of the parade … which means we could be in for a real party.”

Toews just rolled his eyes and walked away.

“You promised!” Kane shouted after him, to no avail.

Meanwhile on the North Side, Cubs owner Tom Ricketts was perplexed by the Hawks.

“Wait, so we can actually try to win championships in Chicago?” he asked. “The Blackhawks don’t trade away all their good players for prospects who have had Tommy John surgery?”

Mariotti Jr.