Philip Pritchard — one of the full-time handlers of the most famous trophy in all of sports — said he and his partners are “extremely hopeful” that Chicago’s strip club scene is vastly improved from the “disaster” they witnessed in 2010 when the Cup was last in the Windy City.

“Worst gentlemen’s clubs ever,” said Pritchard. “And every night one horned-up player after another tried dragging us and the Cup out to these dumps. Either the girls were ugly and naked at places where you could get liquored up or kind of hot and mostly clothed at places that served only beer. What is this town all about anyway?”

Pritchard said that after Stanley Cup celebration runs in Boston and L.A., Chicago has a lot to prove.

“In Boston the girls all wish they were as hot as New Yorkers so they get real freaky because they’ve got something to prove, especially when Lord Stanley and the White Gloves roll into the club,” said Pritchard. “And L.A. was just mind-blowing. Every girl was a prom queen with daddy issues. Sure, they’ve got no clue what hockey is but they all saw my Capital One ad so they think I’m a movie star. That when it gets real.”

Added Pritchard: “All right Chicago, what do you say? When Bickell and the boys want to hit up VIP’s, are you going to step up the game from 2010? I sure hope so.”