MLB Network took time this week to pry Hawk Harrelson away from his usual non-baseball afternoon activities of yelling at children who walk on his lawn to argue the validity of Sabermetrics. To no one’s surprise, Harrelson set the game back 50 years when he claimed that advanced statistics offer nothing compared to non-measurable hustle and whatever the hell TWTW is.

Later in his archaic interview, Harrelson was shocked to find out the game is no longer called Rounders, Pittsburgh has a team and the National League is in existence.

“I always thought the NL was one of the minor leagues, there are like 30 of ’em.” Said a cherry-faced Harrelson “I tell you what, you give me one team that has won the World Series from that fancy National League, I’ll cancel my next golf game with Yaz. Now hike up those pants mister!”

Brew Dreesus