After months of speculation, Tiger Woods and blonde bombshell skier Lindsey Vonn went public with their relationship Monday. Despite the smiling exterior presented in photos of the duo, not all is perhaps as well as it seems as Vonn is starting to suspect Woods is carrying on at least a handful of side relationships.
“Tiger’s great and claims he’s gotten his partying days behind him, but I’m not so sure,” said Vonn, referring to the very public 2009 meltdown of Woods’ marriage amid rumors of vast and wild infidelity. “The other day I got a series of sexts from him that were totally hot, only he kept calling me ‘Chastity’ during them, which was kind of weird.”
The bizarre occurrences only begin there. Vonn said women at bars and restaurants they’ve visited on dates around the country seem to be very familiar with Woods. Several of them have given him warm, passionate embraces suggesting they know Tiger personally.
“Whenever he’s feeling hungry, Tiger’s all about going to places like Denny’s for a quick bite, which I find kind of cute given his vast wealth,” said Vonn. “But all the waitresses there all seem very affectionate and are on a first-name basis with him and not because they’ve seen him on TV.”
Added Vonn: “If I didn’t know any better, I’d think my new boyfriend is capable of pathologically lying to the people who care about him most while carrying on multiple extraneous affairs with slutty women from all around the country.”