Day 1 of The Heckler’s D-Bag Madness Tournament is in the books and, man oh man, what crazy action! The highlight was definitely No. 13 Skip Bayless’s obnoxious upset of No. 4 seed and zygot-sharing crybaby freak Henrik Sedin, who was unable to dive his way to a win, flopping to a terrible 81%/19% defeat.
The other high seeds held their own. Henrik’s whiny brother Daniel, the No. 1 ranked d-bag in the tourney, trounced No. 16 seed, kid-faced wonderprick Lions coach Jim Schwartz 74% to 26%; No. 2 ranked bleached-hair snark-prince A.J. Pierzynski threw out his first runner of the decade, eliminating Sidney Crosby-smitten bald troll Pierre McGuire 75% to 25%; and No. 3 ranked Alex “Don’t call me A-Roid even though I’ve been juicing since 2002” Rodriguez knocked off Tom “I’m allowed to stand four feet on the court while the play is going on because I’m special” Crean 77% to 23%. Updated bracket is below.
The real action kicks off Tuesday as the mid-level ranked d-bags square off. Watch for some minor upsets as Hawk Harrelson and Lance Armstrong go annoying toe to annoying toe; Metta World Peace tries to drop an atomic bomb on Stephen “Screamin'” A. Smith; hired goon Raffi Torres takes on us idiots from The Heckler; and Ndamukong Suh attempts to rip off the douchey $100 T-shirt off borderline ‘roid boy Ryan Braun.
The voting starts Tuesday AM on The Heckler’s Facebook page.