With the help of an August 23, 2012, arrest for driving under the influence, former Chicago Cubs first baseman Mark Grace has officially topped the .300 plateau in lifetime breathalyzer average.

Grace’s career .303 blood alcohol level (BAL) moves him into third place on the all-time baseball breathalyzer list, edging past former Chicago White Sox pitcher Bobby Jenks (.302 BAL), and trailing only New York Yankees boozehound Babe Ruth (.620 BAL) and fellow Cubs rummy Hack Wilson (.445 BAL). (Note: both Ruth and Wilson played during the “dead drunk” era.)

Although a .303 lifetime breathalyzer average is considered a rare and remarkable feat, several baseball pundits believe Grace could have attained an even higher blood alcohol level had he not been forced to play so many days games at Wrigley Field.

“The day games definitely impacted Mark’s partying ability,” said the self-proclaimed dean of Chicago baseball writers, Rick Telander. “Had Gracie not been obligated to show up semi-sober for the early 1:20 start times, there’s no telling how shitfaced he could have become. Let that be a lesson to all you youngsters out there.”

Despite the recent alcohol-related arrests, Telander praised Grace for sidestepping baseball’s ever-widening steroid scandal. “It’s obvious from his complete lack of power to all fields that the only substance Mark juiced on was Jager.”

The former all-star is scheduled to report to prison on February 10 to begin serving a four-month sentence for aggravated DUI.

gregory paul