The last time a West Side Story rumble of this magnitude happened, Maria was left asking, “How do I fire this gun, Chino?”

This time the fracas wasn’t between the Jets and the Sharks, but rather between two die-hard fan bases on the West Side of Chicago. It began as supporters for both Chicago squads lingered around their teams’ respective statues outside the United Center on a day when neither team played.

Blackhawks fans gathered around the statues of greats Stan Mikita and Bobby Hull, singing the praises of the team’s best start in franchise history (7-0-2, 16 points in nine games.)

“48-0 is done, but we can still go 46-0-2!” cried one fan in falsetto voice.

Over by Michael Jordan’s statue, Bulls fans cheered the news that Derrick Rose is resuming full contact drills in practice and one step closer to returning. “They didn’t think we’d win 40 games all season. We’ll get there by March!” exclaimed one fan followed by a series of cartwheels.

As both fan bases converged on each other, an argument broke out over which team will end their regular season with more victories. Voices were raised and fists were thrown into the air. From there, things escalated quickly.

Bulls fans shouted, “D-Rose! Deng-bang!”

Blackhawks fans responded, “Ka-ner! Ta-zer!”

Bulls fans began touting the recent rise in production of Joakim Noah, Carlos Boozer, and Jimmy Butler, snapping their fingers while moving in synchronous box-step formation.

Blackhawks fans countered by hyping up the dominating play of Marian Hossa, Duncan Keith, and Corey Crawford, before hitting near-perfect spinoramas/pirouettes.

Initial reports at the scene confirm that no punches were actually thrown, but several high kicks were attempted and executed to perfection. After a few hours, both sides retreated to nearby Billy Goat Tavern and shared a few beers and laughs together.

Said one confused witness and fan of both teams, “It was scary, though thoroughly entertaining with two dueling flash mobs of epic proportions. Can’t wait for the playoffs.”