The NFL has been labeled a league in its heyday, but with concussion worries starting to surface, there is a concern that players are at risk. Nothing has underscored these head injury symptoms more than the nearly 34% of players who showed up to their practice facilities Tuesday.

The NFL has taken notice, placing a color-coded schedule on players’ wrists telling them what date it is, and if their team is playing. Then the confused players are ushered back into their cars or to the nearest strip club until they report to training camp.

In New Orleans, 49ers and Ravens players can still be seen babbling on to the press, people on Bourbon St. or the nearest wall, many of which don’t know what day it is. Ray Lewis, linebacker for the Ravens and professional windbag, became confused when someone accidentally left a camera in the bathroom, talking for nearly 27 hours straight. Luckily, a janitor removed the camera, breaking the trance and allowing Lewis to focus on stopping the many “Tricks of the devil.”

Brew Dreesus