Anyone in Chicago knows the Cubs are building for the future, signing players whose entire North Side purpose is trade bait. One of the more overlooked trends in the Cubs organization has been the youth movement, but with so little pitching prospects, the Cubs have turned to scouting 12-year-olds with broken arms to become the next Henry Rowengartner.

“Theo [Epstein] was touched the first time we showed him the greatest baseball movie ever, Rookie of the Year,” said Cubs executive Crane Kenney. “Now we are focused entirely on 12-year-olds with tendons healing ‘a little too tight,’ giving them the ability to throw 103 mph.”

Little leagues everywhere are taking notice. Many kids are trying to purposely break their arms in hopes the healing process will yield super powers. What is unfortunately overlooked is how the big leagues are going to effect their childhood friendships and somehow breaking up their mom from her boyfriend who’s exploiting them.

“This team is full of Brickma’s and Steadman’s,”said an emotional Epstein. “I’m looking to get some young talent in here for a 2022 run, then we can return to our championship 1993 years.”

Brew Dreesus