Barry Bonds is mystified that he qualifies for election into the Hall of Fame this summer.

“I thought I had to be retired five years before I could go in the Hall,” Bonds said. “I never told anyone I was retired.”

Bonds holds every slugging record imaginable and is a shoe-in to make the HOF. The only question is when.

Baseball fans would love nothing more than to live to see the day Bonds stands at the podium in Cooperstown and gives his acceptance speech. Cubs fans, in particular, have awaited that day more so than they have waited for the Cubs to win the World Series. Now it appears their dream will come true. Not their Cubs dream, but the one about Bonds.

“Bonds is up for the Hall this summer?” lifetime Cubs fan Joey Yamaki said. He said he and his friends will plan the mother of all road trips and be on hand to witness the greatest event in baseball history.

Bonds believes that his arch nemesis, beat writer Pedro Gomez, is behind his alleged retirement.

“I’ll bet Gomez forged my retirement papers after the 2007 season to get back at me for treating him like crap during interviews,” he said.

Stars Roger Clemens and Sammy Sosa are said to be similarly surprised their names are up for HOF nomination since they, too, never announced their retirement. It seems they just quit in shame due to allegations they used performance enhancing drugs during their careers.

By Rob C. Christiansen