The owners of the New York Mets, Fred and Jeff Wilpon, were so thrilled with the team’s release of Jason Bay that, upon hearing the news, the father and son duo immediately offered Mets GM Sandy Alderson a 50-year, $1 billion contract extension.

If you aren’t familiar with his work, Bay is a formerly-good outfielder who, after signing a 4-year, $66 million contract with the Mets in 2009, has seemingly forgot how to hit a baseball with any consistency of force. He played at an All-Star level in his previous stops with the Red Sox and Pirates, but upon arriving in New York, the Canadian left-fielder has been worse than bad; succinctly, terribly awful.

“Today is a great day in New York history,” said Fred Wilpon. “Mets fans should be on their knees in worship of Sandy Alderson for his wondrous job in getting rid of Bay. Sandy deserves nothing less than a billion-dollar extension for his work. Bravo Mr. Alderson, bravo.”