Following the defensive drubbing Sunday afternoon, the Bears have made a strange, yet understandable move: promoting their entire defense to first team offense.

Since no one on the starting offensive line understands their responsibilities, the Bears have moved Julius Peppers and Corey Wootton to tackles, Stephen Paea, Henry Melton and Israel Idonije will move inside. Cutler will retain his responsibilities, but Charles Tillman, Tim Jennings, Brian Urlacher, Lance Briggs and Major Wright will be placed at various backfield positions.

The Bears offense is currently ranked 24th in the NFL in yards gained, with their defense ranked 8th in the same category.

“This is exactly what we want to do,” said Bears head coach Lovie Smith. “Have you seen what our offense is capable of? False starts and dropped passes if we are lucky.”

This new “offense” will run one play: a quick down the field turnover and have everyone attempt a Peanut Punch. If this fails, the Bears will be on defense, where they still average more points and less holding calls.

Brew Dreesus