With the Ryder Cup seemingly in the bag Sunday morning, the United States team had already begun preparations to share in the nuptials of teammates Phil Mickelson and Keegan Bradley, whose budding bromance had taken center stage throughout the weekend. The exchange of wedding vows — which was to take place on the 18th green at Medinah following the U.S. victory — was abruptly canceled following Steve Stricker and Jim Furyk choking away the cup.

The miraculous European comeback and cancellation of the Mickelson/Bradley wedding were bitter pills to swallow for the Americans.

“Keegan and Phil were beaming all weekend long, it was really something to see,” said team captain Davis Love III, who was all set to officiate the wedding. “Hugs, high fives, butt slaps, shoulder massages. They couldn’t keep their hands off each other.”

Mickelson himself was nearly inconsolable afterwards.

“I know there’s a big age difference, but what can I say, it just works with Keegan and me,” he said “I can’t live without him. I was really hoping that Amy and the kids would understand, now we’ll never know.”

The entire 12-man U.S. team had planned to attend the festivities with the exception of Tiger Woods, who had already booked his evening at the nearby Grand Victoria Casino in Elgin with a blonde, brunette and red-head all with incredibly large breasts.

By Jeremy Barewin

Jeremy Barewin