NFL super-ref Ed Hochuli is so excited to get back to action after the lockout that he’s somehow going to officiate all 13 games Sunday. The buff official will be seen throwing flags in Atlanta and Detroit while blowing whistles in Kansas City and St. Louis all at the same time.
“I got a little bored during my time off so I started studying advanced physics,” said Hochuli, while doing curls with a pair of compact cars. “Turns out this time-space continuum thing isn’t too tough to conquer.”
Despite having missed all of the preseason and the first three games of the regular season, Hochuli said he wasn’t concerned about mental fatigue that might come from working in 13 cities across the country simultaneously.
“You saw the way those replacement refs struggled, and they were only in one place at one time,” said Hochuli. “I’m 20 times the official any of those guys were, so being in 13 places at the same time should be an upgrade over those scabs.”