In an effort to preserve the team’s timeouts, Bears GM Phil Emery recently purchased a pair of Dockers Khakis with flame-retardant pockets for head coach Lovie Smith to wear during games.

“Every time I talked to Lovie about not using a timeout in the first quarter, he would complain about feeling a burning sensation in his groin area,” said Emery. “Once we ruled out, um, other physical issues, we realized the timeouts were literally burning holes right into his trousers.”

Emery said the new pants will not only help with timeouts, but might even stop Lovie from trying to get rid of the challenge flag the first time he thinks the refs short-changed his team by a half-yard on second down.

Heckler George