Mets overpaid, underproductive, terrible, and Canadian outfielder Jason Bay retired from the sport of baseball today after going on an unprecedented hot streak of three hits in his last five at-bats, including a grand slam.

Since Bay is used to striking out nearly every time he steps to the plate, the sudden appearance of some hitting skill baffled Bay and stunned Mets coaches and fans alike. Ever since signing a 4-year, $64 million contract three years ago, the once-good player has been awful and Mets fans have celebrated in the streets when he does something positive on the field.

“This will give them a new reason to celebrate,” said Mets manager Terry Collins.