Keeping in line with his hard stance on being paid for stellar performance, Jacksonville Jaguars running back Maurice Jones-Drew issued a statement today that he would continue to hold out from mowing his lawn. While the grass on his $8 million Jacksonville gated community home has grown to an unprecedented 22 inches, neighbors and those close to the star have become distraught.
“Listen,” a matter-of-fact Jones stated. “We have less than a week until the NFL season begins. My buddies and I still haven’t had our fantasy football draft. All because she won’t cooperate.”
The “she” Jones was referring to is his wife, Ashley—who apparently makes the best queso dip this side of Tallahassee. However, Ashley has refused to make the dip, noting that she just doesn’t have time to blend the supposedly eight-cheese concoction with the right mix of Rotel and other spices.
“I work hard on this lawn,” Jones said. “Last year, I won the neighborhood’s green thumb award. I mow the lawn on average 3.4 times per week. That’s leading the neighborhood in grass clippings per half acre! If she won’t pony up and make the queso dip for the league, then I’m not mowing that lawn.”
When asked to comment on the current status of his NFL holdout, Drew shrugged and stated, “What’s it matter? If I can’t have queso, I can’t have a draft. If I can’t have a draft, I can’t pick myself. If I can’t pick myself for fantasy football, why should I even play the real game?”