The Giants front office has publicly admitted it’s ashamed that after decades of getting away scot-free for cheating, one of its own finally got nailed when Melky Cabrera was handed a 50-game suspension for PEDs Wednesday.

“To have pulled it all off for so long and get nabbed now, when we least expected it, is just heart-breaking,” said GM Brian Sabean. “We had a house account at BALCO for years. Barry [Bonds] took so many steroids that at one point he was more horse than man. And now it gets all screwed up, over a guy named Melky no less.”

Sabean said now that he can no longer brag that the Giants have never gotten caught cheating he’ll need to find something else to find pride in.

“We had a good run not getting caught cheating,” said Sabean. “I suppose I could create a culture where we actually don’t cheat rather than just trying to mask our players’ test results, but let’s be honest here. We’re the Giants. We’ve got a long, shameful legacy of cheating to uphold.”