Insiders have already been talking about Jay Cutler’s improved appearance and attitude heading into training camp this year, but the only thing the Bears QB has actually done to prepare for the 2012 season thus far has revolved around improving his scowling ability.
“Sure, I could have worked on my scrambling skills or some bullshit passing drills,” said Cutler. “But what I really want to improve are my scowling skills. I just feel like I could have done a lot more in that department last season.”
Most of Cutler’s disapproving looks in previous seasons were directed at former offensive coordinator Mike Martz, but because he was fired this off-season, Cutler sensed the need to step up his game.
“I’ve been giving the ‘Cutler Face’ to anyone and everything possible this summer,” said Cutler. “From paparazzi in my neighborhood to Kristin’s little piece of shit dog Mr. Louis Vuitton Bigglesworth, the stink eye has gotten a tremendous workout and should be in perfect shape just in time for preseason.”