Bears running back Matt Forte was hoping for a new contract today. Instead, he received a 3-inch violin replica, the smallest such instrument of its kind in the world.
“Matt is important to the team,” said a Bears spokesperson. “Do you have any idea how hard it was to get our hands on the world’s smallest violin? I mean, it wasn’t as expensive as the ridiculous deal he was crying about, but it was a nice chunk of change.”