Sox broadcaster Ken “Hawk” Harrelson has been playing the game Words With Friends for about two months now, but hasn’t quite gotten the hang of it. He’s had no trouble with the technology or understanding any of the rules, save one: what qualifies as an actual word.

Ducksnort, dadgummit and hineybird are among the terms he’s tried to use in the game so far.

“I just don’t get him,” said booth partner Steve Stone, who has tried to play against Harrelson. “Once he tried to put in ‘canocorn,’ and I told him that wasn’t a word. But when I explained that he could just change the word to ‘corn’ and get some points, he got really argumentative and wouldn’t do it.”

Pretty much everyone has given up on playing Words With Friends with Harrelson at this point, but Stone suggested one person who might be up for the experience.

“Maybe he and Ozzie [Guillen] should play,” he said. “Together, they might manage to enter an actual word before a roomful of 30 chimpanzees working on 30 typewriters churns out the Complete Works of Shakespeare.”

By Brian Summerfield. Photoshop by Kurt Evans

Brian Summerfield