Die-hard soccer fan Jack Glenn made a wager with his friend, Bret. He would watch every game of the NHL Stanley Cup Finals and finally “give hockey a shot.” Bret thought for sure the action on the ice would convert his stubborn friend to a puckhead, but he was wrong.

As Bret celebrated the Los Angeles Kings’ victory over the New Jersey Devils, he noticed that Jack was asleep on his couch.

“I had the volume blasting, I was yelling like a little girl, and he was somehow sound asleep,” Bret said. “How the hell could a human being sleep through a Stanley Cup clincher? It’s insane.”

Jack, a devout Christian, decided early in the series that he could not root for a team named after the dark lord of the underworld, and thus became a Kings’ fan for the week. Still, he didn’t seem to care much when they won their first-ever Stanley Cup.

“Six goals? Six?! It was so boring, there was no defensive play at all,” Jack said. “And how was I supposed to follow the puck? They need to make it glow or something. That would be a genius idea. Televised hockey just doesn’t work.”

Bret tried to convince his friend that hockey was just a faster version of soccer played with sticks on ice, but Jack would have none of it.

“It’s just a condensed version of a great game for kids with A.D.D.” Jack argued. “What was with the crappy Devils’ goalie? That guy isn’t going to have a good career; you can quote me on that. And where was the flopping? That’s a big part of the sport … the most popular sport in the world, mind you!”

Fed up with Bret’s “constant pestering,” Jack threw off his Kings hat and stormed out of the room where he found another TV and proceeded to watch LPGA golf qualifiers.