While the Cubs season continues to swirl around the drain, Theo Epstein celebrated his first milestone since taking over as team president this winter when he downed his 1,000th bottle of Jim Beam during Wednesday night’s 8-0 loss to the Brewers in Milwaukee.

“You know, it’s funny,” slurred Epstein during an impromptu press conference held in a luxury suite bathroom during the sixth inning to announce his historic achievement, “I never used to drink that much but now that I’m with the Cubs, I just can’t get enough booze to make the days go by anymore.”