Many people new to ESPN’s SportsCenter will be amazed to know they actually used to show in-game action. However;¬†in recent years, things have changed entirely to bleeding heart stories, Brett Favre’s wang and commercially-sponsored idiotic questions. Naturally, ESPN has decided to change the name of SportsCenter to “Vapid Analysis From Former PlayersCenter.”

ESPN has reached out to any player who doesn’t have an accurate grasp of the English language or cannot add anything past yelling loudly. That’s why they have decided to dedicate the entire show to players like Alexi Lalas, Jalen Rose, Keyshawn Johnson and Nomar Garciaparra.

Fans will enjoy the usual segments, like “Fact or Steven A. Smith Yelling Fiction?” and “Trent Dilfer Says Things,” but ESPN will add new segments like “Mike Ditka Tries to Complete Sentences,” and “Testing Lee Corso and Dick Vitale for¬†Dementia.”

Brew Dreesus