The Cubs are near-last in the league in every offensive category and fading fast. One good thing about being a Cub, though, is that you have plenty of support. And some of that support happens to come from nerds – nerds on a mission to help the Cubs score.
For years nerds have been portrayed as notoriously poor scorers, but many have learned to work their own special kind of magic. Cubs fans of the nerd-persuasion have, for the past week, been showing up at batting practices, sending detailed emails and drawing complex diagrams that nobody understands in an unsolicited effort to help the team score not only more frequently, but with better quality.
“My advice is to work on your sad face,” said Cubs fan and nerd Trevor Martin. “A lot of times people will start to give you stuff just because they feel bad for you. And then you pounce all over that shizza.”
The Cubs are considering pairing each player up with a nerd advisor. And they have plenty to choose from. Several famous nerds have even spoken out.
“It’s all about the wardrobe,” said Jaleel White from one of several hot tubs in his Los Angeles harem. “Maybe all they need is a giant pair of glasses.”