Friday afternoon’s Cubs-Dodgers game came to a scary halt in the 5th inning, when a flock of seagulls turned on Cubs center fielder Tony Campana. The angry seagulls attacked Campana, and after a quick assault, flew away with the four-foot-six, 32-pound lefty was seen flying north as the awestruck fans looked on in terror.

The incident was sparked by a flock of seagulls landing for their usual lounging area in center field, waiting to empty the seats of discarded nachos and hotdogs. When Campana took the field and chased away the gathering, the seagulls took action, and turned on the smallest creature on the food chain, Campana.

Campana landed in a tree near Graceland Cemetery, lucky to be alive. With his usual hustle, he ran back to the game, but refused to re-enter for fear of retaliation.

“This isn’t the first time I’ve been attacked in the outfield.” said a worrisome Campana “Once during a game in the minors I was dragged off by a coyote because they didn’t have a fence.”

Campana will return to the field equipped with a mini Cubs baseball bat and wear a weighted vest to avoid this from happening in the future.

Brew Dreesus