In a controversial decision handed down to the New York Mets late on Thursday, the Entertainment Rating Association of America (ERAA) has ruled that Mets games are actually hazardous for the development of young children who go to the ballpark and watch the games. This is due to the fact that young Mets fans tend to absorb the terrible qualities of the inept players on the team, such as lack of effort, stupidity, lack of speed, and overall suckiness. According to multiple studies done by the ERAA, these inherited characteristics stunt mental growth in kids and even cause learning disabilities on occasion.
“We have put our best researchers on this case and we have full faith in their findings,” said ERAA president Jay Bason. “We have concluded that the ineptitude of all 25 of the Mets players negatively affects the young and impressionable children that attend and watch the games. This ineptitude leads to impeded development, leaving these kids at a disadvantage when compared to other children their age who root for better teams, like the Yankees. One prime example of this terrible play can simply be found when Jason Bay takes an at-bat or even plays left-field.”
The new rating prohibits children under the age of 10 from going to Citi Field without specially-designed goggles that block out the Mets players but allow the child to watch the more talented opposing teams. This technology is in the final stage of design and will be rolled out to the public within the week.