New Bears GM Phil Emery wasted no time making a splash by signing head case and Illinois penal code nightmare Brandon Marshall, but at a recent press conference he alerted local media that the 2012 NFL draft is going to run status quo; they plan to focus entirely on finding pre-injured offensive tackles and safeties that no one wants.

“We plan to focus first on identifying the players at tackle who suffered from disabling back problems or ACL tears in college,” said Emery. “Solidify that backup tackle and IR position we hold so coveted.”

Many Bears fans are upset in finding out that Emery plans to mimic the draft secrets outlined by predecessor Jerry Angelo, but Emery defends the Bears age-old position.

“Many complain eight safeties is too much for one roster,” he said. “However, there is a free safety we were looking at from Colorado State who’s a character guy with a winning tradition. It’s just a plus that he’s 5’6″ and has a 40 time that’s a shade under 5.20. He’s got our second round pick sewn up!”

Brew Dreesus