The key to Harry Caray’s perpetual state of inebriation has been unearthed this weekend during construction on the right field bleachers at Wrigley Field, in the form of a secret moonshine reserve.

Samples of aged liquor were taken to a lab for evaluation to determine what the legend was drinking during his days in the booth. It was discovered that the liquor actually doesn’t have a classification but is a hybrid of tequila, absinthe, paint thinner, and water that runs out of the park and into Clark Street.

“I remember grandpop coming up with this concoction to get through the bad Cubs teams,” said Caray’s grandson Chip, himself a former Cubs play-by-play man. “Unfortunately, he knew what was to come and had to store it. I just wish I had some to make Cubs fans forget my broadcasting days there.”

Photoshop by Joel Nielsen

Brew Dreesus