The much maligned Mets’ medical staff has struck again — this time diagnosing first baseman, Ike Davis with a non-existent disease.
Before seeking a second opinion from his personal doctor and being diagnosed with a lung ailment known as “Valley Fever,” Mets’ doctors told Ike Davis he had “Acute Jungle Fever.”
“They didn’t even know Valley Fever a real affliction,” said Davis’ personal physician Dr. Ahmad Lewinstein. “It could be dangerous, so I told Ike I’d check him out every few weeks.”
Davis said he was told there was nothing wrong with him, and that it’s perfectly normal to feel the way he did.
“They said ‘couples come in all shapes and sizes these days,’ I didn’t know what they meant,” said Davis. “I’m currently dating a Caucasian girl, but don’t take that the wrong way. I love women of every color… but seriously, I can’t breathe all that well.”
A representative for the Mets’ medical staff refused to apologize for misdiagnosing Davis for the fourth time in three seasons.
“Look, we got the fever part right,” bragged Mets’ head physician, Dr. Maury Gold. “And we narrowed it down to a mass of a land, so all in all, that was a pretty solid diagnosis. And please, stop calling me racist, my son’s friend is black.”
Davis returned to action on Monday, and will be under strict watch from Dr. Lewinstein in case his symptoms worsen during the season.