Long believed to be unbearable due to his prolonged silences and umpire complaints, Hawk Harrelson has officially been dubbed a health hazard by the United States Surgeon General’s office.
Broadcasts are now to begin with a warning to individuals that after three losing games Harrelson has become the equivalent to smoking a pack of cigarettes.
Side effects include bleeding of the ears and eyes, extreme distaste for Vincente Padilla, fetal alcohol syndrome, and increased use of the word carmine.
Individuals who start to experience these symptoms are expected to immediately turn off the sound to their television and avoid using the term “Yaz.”
