Heading into the 2012 season, the Cubs organization has informed all local and national media outlets that the official number for the longest drought in sports history has again changed. It hasn’t been the addition of one more year this time – it is an entirely new formula.
The Cubs have now not won a World Series title in “102 + 3 years.” Henceforth, to be referred to in this manner exclusively.
“Frankly, the country’s declining math scores are finally on our side,” said Cubs president Crane Kenney. “Japan can laugh all they want. We know the World Baseball Classic is for suckers.”
Using this strategy, the Cubs organization will have until approximately the time our planet is engulfed by the universe’s expanding sun before the new drought number starts looking bloated to laypersons. The Cubs say they aware but not worried that many scientists and high school math teachers know the truth behind the number, adding: “they don’t exactly spring for box seats.”
“As generations of new fans are born and neglect to look into the long, sordid history of the club because they fear the written word, we’ll hopefully gain a new respect,” said owner Tom Ricketts. “Maybe we won’t be winners yet, but … we could at least move back up to loveable losers.”
By Dan Bradley